I've always known that I wanted to give Henry a brother or sister. When thinking about adding another baby to our family it made me excited to see the kind of relationship he would have with a sibling. So we tried (fairly hard) and got pregnant. I always had a feeling in the back of my mind though that it wouldn't work out, and I would meet that baby at another time. We lost that baby, and it took me a while to feel like I was ready to jump back in and start trying again. In that time we made the decision to move down to St. George, and while we were leaving all of our amazing friends behind I knew that it was the best thing for us so that I could go back to school and get done faster than I could in SLC.

So right after we moved down here the topic of trying for another baby comes up. Henry is getting older and I don't want him to be too much older, so rather than just trying on my own I go to the doctor and immediately get put on a fertility drug. I start out on the 2nd highest dose and several months go by and I don't get pregnant. The doctor then bumps up my dosage but tells me I only have several months to be on it or my chances of growing cysts on my uterus are increased. Infertility is an expensive problem, and each month I'm spending countless money on the drugs, ovulating tests and pregnancy tests. One month I finally ovulate, but don't get pregnant. I'm getting pretty frustrated and trying not to be angry but it's hard when it's the only thing I can think of. I picked up my last dose of clomid and pray that it will work. Conversations with Alan start turning into whether or not we want to adopt, try IUI or be grateful that we have Henry J.

The last month goes by and I am certain that I'm not pregnant, so I call my doctor office to schedule an appointment to talk about our alternatives. Alan suggested that I take a pregnancy test just to be 100% sure, so I humor him and go to the dollar store to buy a test. I go home and take the test, and actually forget about it sitting in my bathroom. 10 minutes later I finally check on it and there's just a slight positive sign, but I brush it off as being a false positive because the test sat there so long. I mention it to Alan the next day, and he isn't as convinced. So he went to the store and bought a different brand of test and makes me take it the next morning and gives me strict instructions to time it correctly. I really didn't think I was pregnant, but take it anyway just to humor him. 3 minutes later and I'm staring at a pregnancy test with another positive line. Could this really be happening? After all this time and being so sure that I wasn't pregnant, and it's really true? I met up with Alan for lunch later that day, and he casually asked me what the test said. I was trying to think of a creative way to tell him, but couldn't wipe the grin off my face so I told him it was positive. The look on his face was one I will never forget. So genuinely happy and full of love for me and this little baby that we had worked so hard for. But just because we've had our share of disappointments, Alan has me take yet ANOTHER test a week later just to be sure. The 3 minutes don't even go by before that line pops up even darker than the ones before. It was true. I was officially pregnant.

I know that there are so many couples out there that have tried harder than us, and still have not succeeded and my heart hurts for them. I won't ever stop being grateful for this chance at another baby, nor will I ever forget about the baby that I lost last year. Alan and I like to say that it's the same baby, just decided to come at a later time in life. Whatever the case may be, I am blessed for everything that has been given to me and I am looking forward to the day that I get to meet this sweet angel.

Apparently staying focused on not worrying about this pregnancy is working because time is FLYING by. Seems crazy that in just 3 weeks I will be half way through this pregnancy, but I am not forgetting to be grateful for every day this baby is growing. My doctor's office offers a gender check scan at 16 weeks for 25 bucks, and it was an offer I could not refuse. Although if you ask Alan, he would have been just fine waiting for the 20 week ultrasound. But like a good husband he agreed to it, because I am the one carrying the baby and doing all the work.. After lots of prodding and moving the baby we found we're having a...

 GIRL! It seriously took the tech forever to find the gender and while we still didn't get a 100% clear picture, she felt confident in telling us it was a girl. It's just so funny because with Henry, there was no question and he was more than willing to show us what was going on. This little lady had her legs crossed the entire time, and when she did open her legs the umbilical cord was in the way so we couldn't see, or she was moving so fast that we couldn't keep track of her. The tech couldn't help but laugh and tell us "Good Luck" with her once she's born. I couldn't help myself but to go buy a pink outfit as soon as I heard the news. I think I might hold off an buying anything else until we go to our next ultrasound.

It seemed as though everyone knew we were having a girl, except Alan and me. So when she announced we were having a girl I think it got a little quiet in the room because we kept expecting her to say, "Oh wait.. nevermind." The tech even asked Alan if he was going to be ok because his face dropped a little bit of color. His response was so perfect.. "I just really wasn't expecting this, but I think I'll be just fine." It only took a couple days, but already this little girl has her daddy's heart.

I've also started my weekly injections of the 17 hydroxyprogesterone. I had heard that it hurt really bad, but I couldn't even feel it. Granted that was the nurse who did my first injection, so we'll see how well Alan does for the next 19 weeks. The only problem I have really encountered is the nausea that has followed the injections. I have been so sick every day since my shot, and I'm not sure if it's a reaction, or just an awesome 2nd trimester treat. Either way, I have been spending extra time hugging the toilet and trying to find anything to keep down. Guess I'll have to call the doctor and get myself started on an anti-nausea pill. The joys of being pregnant!

It's already felt like a busy summer for us! I am in summer school but it hasn't taken up too much of my time, not to mention I am only working a couple days a week so it leaves lots of time to hang with my boys. We (and by we I mean Alan and Henry's teachers at school) somehow managed to potty train HJ in about a week. We decided that since he was big enough to go potty on the toilet, we'd attempt a movie for the very first time. While the movie wasn't able to keep his attention the entire time, it was still a fun experience for Henry. And despite the mass amounts of fruit punch that he drank, we didn't have an accident!

I've also decided that being a mom in the summer time is so much fun because it seems like there are endless activities to keep the little one happy and not stuck in doors. I admit I was really nervous for our first summer in St. George, but it hasn't been anything we can't handle and it's true what they say.. you just go from the air conditioned car to the house.

 Henry, like his dad, have really sensitive eyes to the sun. I bought him a pair of Lightning McQueen sun glasses in hopes that he'd wear them. Little did I know he'd be obsessed and never want to take them off. Cracks me up every time.

  Another perk of living in St. George is how close we are to Las Vegas. While I don't really endorse taking your 3 year old out for a day of shopping, it was still fun nonetheless. It was also our first big outing without any diapers and I am happy to report there were zero accidents. Of course it meant several trips to the bathroom in a span of 2 hours, but it was worth it to me.

 

He will do just about anything for me and a picture. Love this boy.

 



 We were up in SLC this year for Mother's day, and we kept it pretty low key which is what I prefer. Started out the morning with donuts (hello cravings) and a magazine. This was then followed by an hour drive in search of where my very favorite coffee place was (turns out it was clear in Magna) then a little breakfast.

 After that I took a 2 hour nap with my little man, then we went on a little walk to some fountains to play in.

 

 I sure am grateful that I'm a mom to this little guy. There are a lot of days where he can frustrate me to no end, but all it takes is a little kiss and hug and it's all forgotten. 

 

Thank you Alan for making me feel special on my day. Another big thanks for giving me the gift of motherhood. I am so lucky to have you by my side.

So here I am in the 2nd trimester of the pregnancy, and I wanted to write down a little of what I was thinking. I am officially further along then when I lost the last baby, and my heart is full. I was really nervous about being down here in St. George, away from all of the wonderful doctors at the U of U and more importantly the NICU that saved Henry J's life. But I found a high risk doctor down here, who already has been proactive about keeping me pregnant. A week ago, I went into to have a cerclage (stitch my cervix close) and the peace of mind that has given me is priceless. Once I am 36 weeks pregnant, they will remove the stitches and my doctor said that most women deliver a week later, which he feels comfortable with. So that means we will have a baby early November. I will also start my weekly progesterone shots in 3 weeks, and that will ease my nerves that much more.

I've already seen the baby once (could see the little peanut kicking and squirming already) and heard the heart beat. Everytime the baby gets checked I have severe anxiety and get really emotional, which I'm sure is a result from my previous pregnancy. But I think within time I should be able to calm down a little and know that this little baby is strong and is going to make me big and pregnant all summer long.

Explaining to Henry that he is going to be a big brother has been a lot of fun. He already seems so concerned for the baby, and will pat my belly often and say that he loves him/her. I asked him if he thought he was getting a brother or sister and he told me it was a brother. I then asked him what his name would be and after giving it a little thought, he said, "Brother". At this point we don't really care what we have, as long as I can deliver a healthy, full term baby. 

Alan had to go to Chicago for work, so I decided since I was on my summer break I was going to hit the road with my main little dude and go visit some family. 

Our first stop was Koosharem, and that might be Henry's very favorite place in the world. Not only does Grandma Bagley give him push ups, but he can play with Aunt Jordyn whenever he wants. 

 

Whenever we are driving, Henry ALWAYS points out to me when he sees the "big lellow bus". Needless to say it was a big moment to sit in a bus with his Grandpa. 

 

 We were also able to watch Jordyn and Hannah's dance recital, and they both did really well! 

 

The real highlight for the week was when Henry got to ride in the "big tractor" and feed the cows. He is still talking about that to this day!

 

 

 

 After a couple fun days, we left the farm for the city to go see my best friend Lana and her adorable twin girls, Lucy and Lola. Henry has such a tender heart towards babies and always asked me to hold them. Although holding both girls at once kind of worried him and he was over it within seconds.

 I had such a great week with my little man, but we were definitely ready for our daddy to get home!

So the other night I sat down with Henry and told him I wanted to have a talk. I try to have conversations with him so we can practice talking, and he did so well this past time that I wanted to remember what he said. I have seen on other blogs how people ask their kids the same questions around their birthday every year, so I thought I'd give it a whirl and this is what I got. . It should also be noted that after being asked each question, he'd tap his chin with his index finger and say, "Hmmmm...".

What's your favorite color?                                    Lellow

What is your favorite thing to eat?                          Macaroni and Cheese     

What's your favorite animal?                                  Tiger

Who is your best friend?                                       Aiden  (his bff at daycare)

What is your favorite thing to do at school?            Color and ride bikes

What's your favorite drink?                                  Water  (although chocolate milk could be argued)