I've always known that I wanted to give Henry a brother or sister. When thinking about adding another baby to our family it made me excited to see the kind of relationship he would have with a sibling. So we tried (fairly hard) and got pregnant. I always had a feeling in the back of my mind though that it wouldn't work out, and I would meet that baby at another time. We lost that baby, and it took me a while to feel like I was ready to jump back in and start trying again. In that time we made the decision to move down to St. George, and while we were leaving all of our amazing friends behind I knew that it was the best thing for us so that I could go back to school and get done faster than I could in SLC.

So right after we moved down here the topic of trying for another baby comes up. Henry is getting older and I don't want him to be too much older, so rather than just trying on my own I go to the doctor and immediately get put on a fertility drug. I start out on the 2nd highest dose and several months go by and I don't get pregnant. The doctor then bumps up my dosage but tells me I only have several months to be on it or my chances of growing cysts on my uterus are increased. Infertility is an expensive problem, and each month I'm spending countless money on the drugs, ovulating tests and pregnancy tests. One month I finally ovulate, but don't get pregnant. I'm getting pretty frustrated and trying not to be angry but it's hard when it's the only thing I can think of. I picked up my last dose of clomid and pray that it will work. Conversations with Alan start turning into whether or not we want to adopt, try IUI or be grateful that we have Henry J.

The last month goes by and I am certain that I'm not pregnant, so I call my doctor office to schedule an appointment to talk about our alternatives. Alan suggested that I take a pregnancy test just to be 100% sure, so I humor him and go to the dollar store to buy a test. I go home and take the test, and actually forget about it sitting in my bathroom. 10 minutes later I finally check on it and there's just a slight positive sign, but I brush it off as being a false positive because the test sat there so long. I mention it to Alan the next day, and he isn't as convinced. So he went to the store and bought a different brand of test and makes me take it the next morning and gives me strict instructions to time it correctly. I really didn't think I was pregnant, but take it anyway just to humor him. 3 minutes later and I'm staring at a pregnancy test with another positive line. Could this really be happening? After all this time and being so sure that I wasn't pregnant, and it's really true? I met up with Alan for lunch later that day, and he casually asked me what the test said. I was trying to think of a creative way to tell him, but couldn't wipe the grin off my face so I told him it was positive. The look on his face was one I will never forget. So genuinely happy and full of love for me and this little baby that we had worked so hard for. But just because we've had our share of disappointments, Alan has me take yet ANOTHER test a week later just to be sure. The 3 minutes don't even go by before that line pops up even darker than the ones before. It was true. I was officially pregnant.

I know that there are so many couples out there that have tried harder than us, and still have not succeeded and my heart hurts for them. I won't ever stop being grateful for this chance at another baby, nor will I ever forget about the baby that I lost last year. Alan and I like to say that it's the same baby, just decided to come at a later time in life. Whatever the case may be, I am blessed for everything that has been given to me and I am looking forward to the day that I get to meet this sweet angel.